Some Tips For Getting Over Your Past
Posted: Thursday, May 18, 2006
by Samantha Scott
Your past is a tricky thing. It has shaped you, made you who you are today. If it was difficult or painful, you can't just cut yourself off from it. However, to be healthy, productive, and successful, you can't stay stuck in it either.
One thing we need to realize is that we were born into this world with an empty brain, or "blank slate." From then on, we began receiving "programming" from our parents, teachers, church, peers, community, and media. So, a large part of our past is our programming.
Another thing we need to do to get a handle on our past is to put it into perspective. THE PAST IS OVER. Also, most people consider their past to be their childhood and their adolesence. OK, let's say that's 18 years. Nowadays, most people live to be 70 or 80. So that's only 1/4 (or 25%) of your life. As adults, we can CHOOSE to program ourselves with positive input and make the remaining 3/4 (or 75%) of our lives healthy, happy, productive, and successful.
A third thing we can do is to change the meaning or interpretation we give our past. When our past seems overwhelming to us, we are usually saying things in our minds like, "I've failed then so I'll fail now," or "I'm damaged goods I'll never amount to anything."
YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!
You could just as truthfully say, "I learn from my past. My past taught me what NOT to do. My past challenges and trials made me stronger so I can face the real world today. I went through what I did so I can help others," and so on.
We don't really "get over" our past. What we do is take steps like the ones listed above to keep it from messing up our present and our future.
So, let's get a handle on our past:
*Acknowledge it for what it was -- no better and no worse.
*Put it into perspective -- it's over, and it was only a small part of your life anyway.
*Apply an interpretation or meaning to your past that works for you, not against you.
*CHOOSE positive, healthy, inspirational programming. Read good books, listen to good audio, watch good TV, and socialize with positive people.
DO THIS. Your past does not have to equal your present or YOUR FUTURE.
Samantha Scott is a gifted, Master's level counselor whose personal mission is to empower others to reach their highest potential by providing quality educational materials, mentoring, and coaching. She also writes the value-packed inspirational newsletter Proactive Wellness. You can learn more about her and her services at health and wealth tips.
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More commentsI am having difficutly with anger and bitterness from my first marriage, my children's father. I let it change the person I am and I was in a realtionship with my best friend and a man that I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I began to blame him and take everything out on him and he finally had enough. He kind of broke it off but tells me that he wants me back but the old me the one he fell in love with. I can not seem to completely let go of my past and jealousy and insecurities. I want to be the way I used to be cause I was happier. I am not happy with myself. I want him back but I want to change because I deserve it and so do my children. Any advice is greatly appreciated!!
I have tried several times to respond to your comments, but my response has not been accepted due to length. So please see my new article "The 'F' Word."
pretty helpfully, just needed more info!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wise words,when we are dealt tough cards in life,its sometimes hard not to let it pray on our minds a lot. Your words have helped me focus on what i must do.
Thanks for that.
just checking if it leaves this comment
i like the messages and information in this article however my issue is in regard to my childhood. I grew up as an only child who's mother was riddled with mental illnesses ranging from severe depression, schizophrenia, drug addiction and anorexia. i had no way out of the environment for 8 years as my father lived out of the state. i haven't lived with my mother for almost 4 years now and i have found that no matter how hard i try to reprogram myself to stay positive and be happy, i have this negative energy and consciousness that rears its ugly head at least once a week and its getting worse. i find social interaction so nerve racking that sometimes i get so wound up about it i want to cry and get out of public.
i push everyone away who tries to get close to me because i am so scared of drowning them in my issues and to make matters worse my mum has had another child and the pattern of they way she brought me up is repeating itself again; separated from the father when the child is young, depressed, smoking pot and sleeping all through the day un supervising her 3 yo child. i cant not live with her ever again as she can never take constructive criticism and thinks her way is always the right way but it is driving me literally crazy..
not only do i feel helpless for my sister and guilty for not moving ace in to look after her but all these memories and feelings i have from my childhood are just playing around in my head and i seriously think her depressive nature is something i have inherited. every time i talk to someone it is so obvious how hard i am trying to interact its sickeningly weird. every now and then i just want to give up and end it all because it seems no matter how hard i have tried to rid myself of any negative people/music/thinking it all just comes back and cripples me all the time. i try so hard to stay strong and not think of it all but i am so awkward and unpopular because of my limited social skills that it is really pushing me to breaking point. i am too scared of seeing a psychiatrist incase they take my sister off my mums hands. she would never forgive me and i would ruin the family. i would really appreciate your thoughts of how i could possibly make my life happier and healthier...email me at secretplace@usa.com. I tried to comment, but my response was too long.
I loved the article :) thank you so much for posting it. I have some additional questions and I would be greatful if you could send me an email so that I can ask you about the issues I worry about. please.
I really like this, its already making me feel positive. I've had a rough past, & I've been dating this man for the past 4yrs we have had our ups & downs & he has cheated on me a lot. But for the past yr he has changed but its hard for me to move on & let go of the things he did to hurt me. We recentaly lost our son he was still born so that didn't help matters at all. I want to get over this so we can proceed our future. He tells me that no man should have to be punished for the past everyday, & he's rite. I want to trust him because I love him.
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